Me and Tippi Hedren

7 Mar

Every morning, I go out and fill our three bird feeders – a large hopper-type by the stream, a ball shaped feeder by the den window, theoretically designed to let small birds feed while keeping out the large ones, and a second ball feeder outside the kitchen window. We also put peanuts in a length of PVC pipe for the squirrels.

When I go out, the only birds near the feeders are the little guys, sparrows, titmice, nuthatches, and the like, but if I look around, every tree has a contingent of grackles and starlings, waiting, waiting, waiting…As soon as the feeders are filled, they swoop down, flapping their wings at the other birds and clinging to the sides of the ball feeders, making them sway and spilling seeds all over the ground, where they push and shove each other, as greedy and pushy as a bunch of politicians, and just about as useful.

Someone once told me they had gotten a kitty litter bucket full of sour mash (I felt it wisest not to ask where) and spread it all over the ground. The big bullies loved the stuff, gobbling it down and getting drunker by the minute. When they were all well and truly sloshed, he gathered up a black trash bag of the feathered ba – birds – and took them to the State Park about fifteen miles north of here and just dumped them out onto the ground, figuring they’d be too disoriented to find their way back home.

In the meantime, I feel a real sympathy with Tippi Hedren.

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2 Responses to “Me and Tippi Hedren”

  1. Peg Wilson March 8, 2014 at 12:09 pm #

    Reminds me a bit of the video of the African animals eating from a certain tree and ending up drunk. As for carrying off the drunk birds in the car, I would be really concerned about the less drunk birds “coming to” before they had arrived at their new home…that would really be for “The Birds”.

    • thisendoftheswamp March 9, 2014 at 9:08 pm #

      Birds are quiet when it is dark, so even if they sobered up inside the trash bag, they would be still.

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