Archive | April, 2016

How to Drive Your Wife Crazy

5 Apr

Right now, we do not have any carpet in the TV room (I believe I may have mentioned this before once or twice.), and you’d be amazed at how sound travels in an empty space.

The Squire has a habit of drumming his fingers while he watches TV. I didn’t notice this when we still had an upholstered love seat in that room, but now he is using the recliner that belongs in our bedroom. The ends of the arms are bare wood, as are the legs; he has actually worn the finish off the right arm, tapping his fingers on it. The sound travels through the chair arms and down the legs and through the bare floor, echoes under the ceiling tiles in the dining room, until it reaches my ears, and drives me nuts!

It’s like Chinese water torture.

I must love him; I haven’t killed him.

How to Spend a Rainy Afternoon

4 Apr

When we were clearing the decks, so to speak, before we did all the work upstairs, one thing we had to do was remove my sewing cabinet from the wall. Are you old enough to remember Fibber McGee’s Closet? Well, let me tell you – I ended up filling a “Xerox Box” with the contents of that cabinet. Buttons, spools of thread, packets of pins, bobbins, and Heaven only knows what all else came out of that thing.

It’s been rainy all day today, so the dog and I sat on the guest bed box spring and sorted stuff. Most of my thread had dry rotted on the spools. I mean, who else do you know who still has wooden spools in her sewing cabinet? I pulled off a few feet of thread, and if I could snap it between the thumb and forefinger of both hands, it went into the trash.  I now own a dozen empty bobbins and six spools of thread. And a trash can full of what I am sure my mum would consider perfectly good thread.

I found a packet of needles sold by Food Fair, a grocery chain that went out of business


old stuff – sideways, for some odd reason

about 1965 or so. I unearthed a half-dozen hat pins; not dinky little corsage pins, but gen-you-ine five inch hat pins. They must have belonged to my great-grandmother. Elastic that has lost its spring, a sewing kit from a moving company that went under before I graduated from high school; it is so old it has little cardboard sticks with glue on them that you moistened and applied to a runner in your stockings. A set of sew-on replacement pockets for men’s trousers – priced 80 cents. A pair of shoulder straps for a lady’s slip, probably from before WWII, judging from the picture. And, oddly enough, three tiny, tiny crochet hooks. I neither knit nor crochet, and these seem small enough to make sweaters for the fairies. I can’t imagine actually using them for anything larger.

Dear Heaven, where does this stuff come from?

Anyway, my sewing cabinet is now all neat and tidy, and I am sure it will stay that way for, oh, at least the first of May.



Amateur Hour

3 Apr

Doubting Thomas

We have finally gotten all of the painting squared away, and went down to Lowe’s last Monday to select the carpeting for the guest room. I’ll tell you, if ever there was an outfit where the left hand didn’t know what the right hand was doing, this is the place. We looked over several selections, and then paid a deposit to take home a board of samples. We had gotten a “guesstament” from the salesman, and he had told us we could simply call the store and make the deposit on the carpet over the phone.

Nothing doing. The woman at the desk said we had to come in and do it in person. “We’re not allowed to take credit card information over the phone.” Since The Squire was going in that direction on Thursday anyway, he stopped and took care of it. We went back on Friday evening to settle things, and arrange for somebody to come measure the room. When the man came, he was quite pleased that the tacking strips were still in place from the previous carpet, which he said would save us some money. I pointed out that we simply did not have space to move the TV, but if the installers would do the upper part of the room, my husband and I would move the set ourselves to that side, while the men did the lower part. OK.

When we went in to sign the final contract, we were being charged both $75 for tacking strips and $50 to move the TV.  Needless to say, The Squire was not pleased. We had also received a $25 gift certificate in the mail, but we were told it could only be used for merchandize; it couldn’t be used to pay on a contract. Well, the contract was for merchandize, but that didn’t fly. It ended up with the manager giving us a new $25 gift card to spend on whatever we wished, and he “discounted” the contract by $25.

Yeesh. The Squire was ready to go to Home Depot, but that would have meant starting all over, with no guarantee things would be any better.

Things at church have been a bit confusing. (What else is new?) I was under the impression that one person was doing the Rota, and it was another person entirely. Since people still come to me with questions, I’m sort of caught in the middle. We have not had a newsletter since last April, and the website is “wonky”, so quite often people don’t know they are on until the pick up the bulletin in the narthex.

Today, the person who  was to be crucifer became ill.  I was assigned to assist at the altar, so she called another member to carry the cross in the procession. The gal she called is the shortest woman in the congregation, and Dulcie simply isn’t capable of carrying that cross, so I said I’d do it if she’d take the altar for me. Fair enough, except that Dulcie had a sore throat and didn’t want to read the Epistle. OK, I’d read both the Psalm (part of the crucifer’s job) and then cross the sanctuary and do the Epistle. I had gotten as far as the altar when another member of the church came up to the lectern, and since she is also a reader I figured she was going to do it, so I turned around and returned to my seat.

Except that Christine wasn’t going to read; she had a question about the Power Point, and she turned to her seat at the same time I did. Of course, I had my back to her at that point, and didn’t know she’d left. By that stage of the game, Dulcie decided the Epistle was only a few verses, and she might as well do it. Do-si-do, and allemande right!

Amateur Hour. Has anybody here ever done this before?