This is a reposting of one of my earliest entries. The Squire and I wrote it back in the 1990s, when a fellow in his office passed around a paper offering scientific proof that Santa was impossible. Feel free to use it in your own church newsletters, or whatever.
Several years ago, a letter made the rounds, denying that Santa Claus existed. Obviously, he felt it was necessary to put this rumor to rest.
LA~
It has come to my attention that it has been “proven” by scientific methods that I do not exist. Sadly, this sort of skepticism has become quite fashionable of late, and I feel I really must answer this latest attack.
Most of this “proof” is based on facts and figures which, impressive though they may be, don’t quite add up. There are a lot of good children, which is a miracle in itself, given the way things are going, and there is certainly a lot of territory to cover, but you don’t have all the facts. First of all, I don’t have to handle all the workload by myself and it doesn’t all get done at once. I have lots of help, and The Season, as we call it, runs from the 6th of December to the 6th of January.
My brother, St. Nicholas, delivers gifts to the good children of Germany, Holland and Belgium on December 6th. He is accompanied by his assistant, Ruprecht, a grumpy old man, who threatens naughty boys and girls with sticks and switches. I must say, however, that my brother usually tosses a gift from the back of the sleigh to even the naughtiest of children.
In France, my uncle, Pere Janvier, brings presents to all the good children on the first of the year. The same day, my brother Άγιος Βασίλειος (St. Basil to you) visits the children in Greece.
Two thousand years ago, the Magi stopped to ask our sister, Baba Yaga, if she might know where the Christ Child was. Too busy with her housework, she sent them on their way. Later, realizing the importance of their quest, she went after them. Now, every January 6th, she goes from house to house in Russia and Poland, looking for the Infant and leaving a gift for each sleeping child. The Magi themselves leave gifts for the children of Spain, Mexico and South America.
This still leaves December 24th, the biggest night of all. My dad, Father Christmas, and I share this one. He takes the United Kingdom, and I handle the United States. The rest of the world, Australia, Canada, Africa, we split between us.
As for our methods of transportation, Nick generally goes on horseback, and Baba Yaga walks, but me, I prefer the reindeer. Fast? Why would a generation that believes in “hyper-space” question my speed? Of course nobody’s ever seen a flying reindeer. Nobody’s ever seen the wind either, but there you are. From October until December, we give the reindeer special food which helps them get air-borne. Why, the term “eating light” started with us. Don’t worry about how it works – scientists have “proven” that bumble bees can’t fly, either.
Even after this, I understand that many of you will not believe in me. But, I still believe in you. I know that every year, in the name of Love you will continue to give unstintingly of your time and talent to bring joy, and gladness of heart, to children around the world. And in the name of that Christ we all seek, I will be there.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
S. Claus
thisendoftheswamp 
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