Taming the Bottom Sheet

Every once in a while, my Mum’s oddities make sense.

The Squire is, to put it mildly, a very restless sleeper. He used to accuse me of stealing the covers, but in my defense I was only grabbing back what was mine in the first place. One year we went on a cruise and our cabin had twin bunks. When we got up in the morning, all I had to do was fluff up my pillow and smooth out the top sheet, and I was good to go. His bed, on the other hand, looked – by his own admission – as if he’d been wrestling bears.

And nothing much as changed! We have a fitted bottom sheet on our bed (does anybody still call them contour sheets?) and he still manages to have it half off the bed in the morning. If we were still using the flat sheets that were the only choice when you and I were young, Maggy, I really would have had to pull everything off and start over.

Last week I went up to Joann’s and bought some mitten clips and a packet of 1-inch elastic and made some anchors. I cut the elastic into four equal lengths, sewed a clip at each end, and then attached them to the top and bottom of the sheet, pulled the elastic under the mattress and hooked it on the sides of the sheet, and voila! the bloody sheet stays tight all night.

Normally, the clips are $3.49 a pair, but I managed to snag some at $20 for two dozen, and with a 40% coupon, they were reasonable enough. Even at full price they were slightly under $2 a pair, which beats the regular price all hollow!