Tag Archives: I’m from the government

I’m From the Government. . .

8 Nov

.  . .and I’m here to help you.

The Squire and I have been getting bread through Panera’s “Dough-nation” program for about ten years.  This bread has been given to two different food pantries, who give it to people in need in Harford County.

This afternoon we received a phone call from one organization, saying a government inspector had come to their place this morning and told them to cease and desist. All bread given out must be in bags (which it is) and labeled with the ingredients – which Artisan bread never is. The Gummit says we might be open for all sorts of problems if somebody is allergic to any of the things we give out.

You know what I think? President and Mrs. Obama were instrumental in getting restaurants and bakeries to donate left over foodstuffs, as well as encouraging schools to give students nutritional meals.  All of these programs are being dismantled by a certain Tangerine Tornado who is obsessed with destroying that legacy.

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City Folks

21 Nov

One of the blogs I follow is Cake Wrecks.  http://cakewrecks.squarespace.com/ Every day, there are four or five of the most god-awful cakes you’ve ever seen, all done by people claiming to be professional decorators.

And so is The Squire.

Today was a collection of cakes purporting to be Thanksgiving Turkeys. My question was “Have any of these folks ever seen a turkey?” And quite obviously, the answer is No. Bless their hearts, they wouldn’t recognize an on-the-hoof turkey if it crossed the street in front of them. No reason they should. They are city folks, not farmers.

However, if your job involves giving other people government advice, you’d best know what you’re talking about.

A fellow came from the county assessment office to refigure our property taxes, and while I was leading him through the marsh that is the Rice Paddy, we stopped beside the pond in the yard. One of the snapping turtles swam up to see if I was going to feed him, and the man asked me where the pond overflowed. I led him downhill to the stream, and he looked over his shoulder and then back at the stream. “You know, you shouldn’t let the water from the pond run into the stream.”

“Oh. Why not?” (“You got a way to make it go uphill, buster?” I didn’t ask.)

“Your fish and turtles go in the pond. You don’t want that to pollute the stream, do you?”

“Um, Mr. Government Man, where do you think the fish that live in the stream go?”  The look he gave me was priceless. Obviously, this had never occurred to him.

But now we all know why whales beach themselves from time to time. They are looking for the sandbox, so they won’t pollute the ocean.

Yeesh.