thisendoftheswamp

Apparently The Squire lived a sheltered life; he’s never heard any of the good songs. A good while back, I was singing (I guess you can call it that) a little ditty that went this way:

Looking through the knothole in Father’s wooden leg,/Oh, who will wind the clock when I am gone?/Go get the ax; there’s a fly on Baby’s nose,/And a boy’s best friend is his mother.

He accused me of making it up.

A few days ago, he was helping me make Christmas cookies, and complained ~ rightly so ~ that the cat was in the way, winding back and forth underfoot.

Oh, they’re always in the way/The cows eat them for hay./ They hide the dirt on Grandpa’s shirt/Oh, they’re always in the way!

Again, he accused me of making up the whole thing. Now, mind you, he really does have a reason for feeling this way. Last week, El Condor Passa came on the radio, and I began to yodel. I’d rather have a quarter than dime/Oh, yes, I w-o-u-u-ld./ I’d rather have a Quarter than a dime/Just any t-i- m-e.

Yes, that’s one of my songs. As if you couldn’t tell.

Tags: silly songs

Well, wadya know? “Go get the ax” is a real song! My girlfriend found the lyrics online someplace, and sent them to me. It just doesn’t get much better than this:

GO GET THE AX
(Grandpa’s Wooden Leg)

by Lesley Nelson-Burns

Peepin’ through the knot-hole
of grandpa’s wooden leg,
Who’ll wind the clock when I’m gone?
Go get the ax
There’s a flea in Lizzie’s ear,
For a boy’s best friend is his mother.

Peepin’ through the knot-hole
of grandpa’s wooden leg,
Why do they build the shore so near the ocean?
Who cut the sleeves
Out of dear old daddy’s vest,
And dug up Fido’s bones to build the sewer?

A horsey stood around,
With his feet upon the ground,
Oh, who will wind the clock when I’m gone?
Go get the ax,
There’s a fly on Lizzie’s ear,
But a boy’s best friend is his mother.

I fell from a window,
A second-story window,
I caught my eyebrow on the window-sill.
The cellar is behind the door,
Mary’s room is behind the ax,
But a boy’s best friend is his mother.

The horses run around,
Their feet are on the ground,
Oh, who will wind the clocks when I’m away, away?
Go get the ax,
There’s a fly on the baby’s chest
And a boy’s best friend is his mother, his mother.

While peeping through a knot-hole
In grandpa’s wooden leg,
Oh, who has put the shore so near the ocean, the ocean?
Go get the Listerine, sister’s got a beau
and Grandma’s false teeth will soon fit Jenny, fit Jenny.
While walking in the moonlight,
The bright and sunny moonlight
She kissed me in the eye with a tomato, tomato
A snake’s belt slips because he has no hips
So he wears his neck tie around his middle, his middle.

Tags: silly songs