The Perversity of Inanimate Objects

29 Nov

Maybe it’s only at our house.

I have written often – and with great feeling – about the fluorescent lights that hang around our house. The one in the den only worked once every six months, and woe betide the person who turned it off by sheer force of habit. We were often reduced to using the computer by the glow of a kerosene lamp. Talk about irony! The one in the bathroom just took its own sweet time. Generally, it waited until you had done whatever it was you came in to do, and smiled at you as you walked out the door. I’ve showered by candlelight more than once.

After changing the bulbs, to no avail, The Squire bought new switches for both rooms. Both lights have worked perfectly ever since. The one in the bathroom did stumble slightly, but The Squire shook his fist at the ceiling and snarled, “You an be replaced, you know!” The light came on immediately. (I’m perfectly serious.)

The smoke detector in the kitchen is hyperactive. We have a self-cleaning oven (Woot! Woot!) so I am reasonably sure there’s nothing burnt on it there, but every time I turn it on the smoke alarm goes off. Really? Setting it on 100° F to put bread on to rise is dangerous?  Boiling water will make the thing start shrieking!  Yeesh!

Sunday night, I glanced into the kitchen as I headed up to bed, and the room was flooded! The dishwasher had decided that draining was too much trouble. Fill, yes. Drain, no.  Luckily, our friend Mac has a wet-vac, so I drove over there to grab it.  Worked a treat!

A few weeks ago the pull-shade on my side of the bed stopped working. I think the spring has died, but I’m not sure. I spent a couple of days reaching under the drapes to roll and unroll the thing by hand. The Squire suggested I switch it with the one over the window a/c (duh!) which I did. As I slotted it into position, the bloody thing unrolled  completely, all the way down to the floor! Arrgh!

And what’s with the thermostat? We have programmed it to remain at 68 during the day, and drop to 62 at 9 PM.  Every morning it has hiked itself back up to 70. Turn it down, and it will stay there until about 3 in the afternoon, and those hot flashes I keep having are not because my hormones are out of whack.

The water heater much prefers to be set at 130°, never mind what we want.

As I said, maybe it’s just at The Rice Paddy.


3 Responses to “The Perversity of Inanimate Objects”

  1. Lucie November 29, 2017 at 1:36 pm #

    OMG! I’m up at the crack of dawn this morning because of “possessed emergency lights” that we just bought!! They turn 7 different shades of color if you so much as BREATHE on them and I’m ready to return them to the store…bought them because we had an outage last week and we’re left in PITCH BLACK. I didn’t wanna go through that, again, but am ready to pull my hair out with these new lights…thx for the post! Couldn’t have been more timely for me!! ; >)

  2. tiggerlyss December 1, 2017 at 12:26 pm #

    It sounds as if your house (or the appliances) are haunted. Perhaps you have a poltergeist. When we lived at Plaza townhouses, the smoke detector would go off a lot. It especially liked to go off when we made toast. I can still remember using towels to fan in the staircase trying to get those things to turn off– only a giant could teach those contemptible things.

  3. thisendoftheswamp December 1, 2017 at 8:05 pm #

    You’re right – flapping the towel is all part of the fun! And I’d forgotten about the toaster oven. The Squire WILL turn the knob to 20 minutes, and then tell me to “just keep an eye on it”. Well, when I’m at the stove. the toaster is behind me. The eyes in the back of my head atrophied after the girls left home, so I can’t “keep an eye on it”!

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