The Flying Monkeys

26 May

Yesterday Eldest Daughter and I went up to Lancaster to do a bit of shopping, and just generally hex around. Even after having lived this close to Amish Country since I was ten, and shopping in and around Lancaster since the late 60s, I still feel as if I’ve stepped into the Wild West when I spot a hitching rail and water trough along the edge of a shopping center.

When I got to her house in the morning, I was dive-bombed by a vulture, which just about scared me to death. These are huge birds with a wingspan of about six feet. I felt as if I’d just had a run-in with a fair-sized aircraft, bent on my destruction.

When we got home, a half dozen of them were sitting on the fence around her pool, and several more were fighting over something in the tall grass. The fence is four feet high, which may give you some perspective of how large these birds actually are.

Turns out there is a dead deer out there; we smelled it before we spotted it. I hope they make quick work of it.

vultures

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Smack-Down at the OK Corral

21 May

We have one particular squirrel, a young male with a bright red tail, who is a real bully. He has made it his business to keep all of the other squirrels away from both the seed feeder and the pipe which holds the peanuts. It’s a wonder he has time to eat, as he’s so busy chasing off the competition. Of course, every time he leaves the feeder to chase away another squirrel, the blue jays swoop down and grab some of his precious hoard.

This morning, he was at it again, and two of the older, larger squirrels decided they’d had just about enough, and ganged up on him. They started a kick-boxing, biting, and snarling match, and chased the little dickens all around the yard.

He came back and sat on the wall that surrounds the flower bed, cursing and stomping his feet, so angry that he started biting and tearing at the wires on the Christmas lights, the very image of impotent rage.

Saturday Night Fever

15 May

Last night, our parish had a Sunset Serenade by the Reisterstown Jazz Ensemble.

It was originally supposed to be outdoors, but it has rained almost nonstop for the last two weeks – not hard, but a constant depressing drizzle – and the ground was too mushy for lawn chairs and blankets, not to mention too darned cold, so we moved it inside. The woman who was in charge made “camp fires” down the center of the hall, with a heap pf twinkling Christmas lights, and red, white and yellow tissue paper, surrounded by perhaps a dozen bricks, set in a wagon wheel design. Really nifty!

And, oh! the music! Several different sizes of saxophones, trumpets, a keyboard, and a drummer who was having more fun than anybody else in the room. And a cowbell! Admission was very reasonable, and a donation of canned goods got you a ticket for a free drink or a bag of chips, but there was plenty of other stuff to eat, even for a vegetarian such as myself.

And a good time was had by all.

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I May Have Found My Calling

13 May

If I do say so myself, I have lovely handwriting. Rather fancy, and I make my lower case “e’s” the same way I make my upper case “E’s”, but it’s very clear and easy to read.

A young friend asked me recently if I would address her wedding invitations. “They don’t teach cursive in school anymore, and I think printing my invites would look tacky.” She paused and looked thoughtful for a moment. “I could make up computer labels with fancy print, but that would be even tackier. So, would you do it for me?” And I agreed.

This could be an entirely new cottage industry for little old ladies who still know how to write. Send me your envelopes and your list, and for a reasonable price, I’ll do them up for you.

How does that sound?

someday

        (No, this isn’t my handwriting.)

 

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No, I Don’t Look This Way Anymore

10 May

As I matter of fact, I don’t think I ever did look this way! For a blessedly short time after I left Blue Cross, I worked as a model. Tell you what, wearing so much makeup I could hardly move my face was no fun. At least, at this stage of my life, I still had my own hair.

Dani-model

Remember all those times I joked about being a “famous model”? Well, I never made it to “famous”, but seriously, does this resemble anybody you know?

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What We Really Do

8 May

I took the box of strawberries to church this morning, made sure a couple of close friends got one before the vultures descended, and then let everybody else have what they wanted. Let’s just say they were well received.

Got this bit of goofiness from a friend. Honestly, although we consider Coffee Hour to be one of the sacraments, we do a lot more than that.

what we do

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Saturday Night Fling

7 May

The Squire and Mac did go to the movies this morning – Captain America: Civil War – which he said was quite good, in spite of the reviews. I think he just disregards the critics and listens to his friends. He joked when he got home that he and Mac are both in their 70s, and still enjoy comic books. He could have worse habits, Heaven knows.

He called from the theater to say he was on his way home, and I was just getting dressed when he got in.  There seemed to be quite a few people in the restaurant with the same idea – take Mum out a day early and beat the rush.  We had a really nice dinner and then wandered around the corner and topped off the tank with some frozen yogurt.

I was sitting at the computer about 3:00 when the raccoon wandered into view. We are fairly certain it’s a nursing female, as the animal is quite brazen about coming looking for food, but she does get out of the way post haste when either of us goes out to feed her cheap dog food, as opposed to letting her vacuum out the birdfeeders. The Squire took food out to the barn before we left, and I put extra food on the carport for her.

If she’s not nursing or pregnant, she’s just plain fat!

 

 

 

 

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Happy Mother’s Day – Sort Of

6 May
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Shari’s Berries

Many, many years ago, after ending up trapped in Chuckie Cheese for Valentine’s Day, The Squire and I decided never, ever to go to a restaurant on a Grand Holiday, so we will probably go to dinner tomorrow evening. There’s a new sci-fi flick out, so Mac may suggest breakfast and a movie, but The Squire and I can still hit a restaurant in the afternoon or evening. There’s a “real” Chinese-Thai place not too far from here  so I think that will be our choice.

Eldest daughter sent me a box of Shari’s Berries for Mother’s Day, which I received this morning. These are absolutely ginormous strawberries (I put a quarter in one section to give you a sense of scale) which have been dipped in chocolate and then rolled in either chopped almonds or chocolate chips,  or yogurt drizzled with dark chocolate.

This presents me with a serious dilemma. When I have something I really like, I tend to stretch it out to make it last as long as possible. Unfortunately, strawberries don’t keep, and the packaging says these are best consumed within 48 hours of receipt.  Add to that the fact that The Squire has a mild allergy to chocolate, and my best friend is on the Whole Thirty diet, and it looks as if I may be forced to eat these all by myself – and fairly quickly, at that. Oh! The horror!

Well, chocolate is a vegetable, yogurt is a protein, and strawberries are definitely a fruit. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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Beware of Falling Objects

25 Apr

After church yesterday, our friend Mac invited The Squire to go to the movies with him – some sci-fi flick or other – so I went home and they went off. It hasn’t rained here in quite a while and some of my hanging baskets were getting mighty dry. Rather than get the hose, with all that entails, I took the baskets out to dunk them in the pond.

I hadn’t bothered to change my clothes, so I bent over rather than kneeling and getting the knees of my slacks dirty. Lost my balance, and fell smack into the pond! Fortunately, I let go of the plants and managed to turn myself so that I went in feet first. I am absolutely terrified of getting anything over my face, and falling into soft mud with no way to push myself upright would have had some pretty serious consequences.

And I got my slacks messed up, in spite of it all, and possibly ruined a perfectly good pair of shoes, to boot.

Later, going up to bed, I caught my toe on one of the carpet treads and it came right off the step. The double-faced tape had dried out until it was like a shed snake skin. I showed it to The Squire, and he said he would get some new tape today, as he had to go to Lowe’s anyway for a striker plate for the guestroom door.

This morning, he trotted off to the Y, and I got the wash sorted to go the laundromat. On my way back down I hit that tread and slid the last four steps. Did not do my back one bit of good. Really lucky it was near the bottom. God does look out for fools.

Blazer has decided that he needs to go out every morning around 6 AM. He makes quick work of it, and then curls back up in his bed, and I go back upstairs and do the same. I was just drifting back off this morning when some four-star obliviot rode up the street on his motorcycle with no muffler. Probably woke up everybody from Aberdeen to Baltimore. And then a train stopped on the CSX line. It takes a mile and a half for a fully loaded train to stop, so we were serenaded for quite a while with thump-clang-bump-bump-bump-clang. Sounded as if somebody was over there throwing washtubs down a fire escape.

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O Tempora! O Mores!

23 Apr

Porstmann Audrey & Floyd

I found this little gem in my mum’s stuff – natch.

The child in the front is my mother,  holding a small caliber revolver, possibly police issue. The little boy behind her is her cousin Floyd. (Their fathers were brothers.) He appears to be holding a Derringer. She has it dated May 14, 1922, which would have made her 14 months, and Floyd 13 months.

Today, of course, CPS would have hauled off the whole clan.

This was probably taken in the backyard at the Dickmann Street house. That is an outhouse behind them. They did have running water in the kitchen, and there was what they called a “swinging bathroom” upstairs; I can remember even as a child, there was a tub and sink in the room, but no toilet. The room was added well after the house was built, and stuck out over the kitchen door.

 

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