Tag Archives: clothing

Got Some ‘Splainin’ To Do

14 Jun

TSA

Back when I was working for a private doctor in Aberdeen, I used to drop off my wash on the way to work at a laundromat near the office. For $5 a load, it was washed, dried, and folded. All I had to do was take it home and put it away.

The day we left for vacation, I dropped off a “mixed load” – some whites, and a handful of colours – to empty the hamper before we headed out of town.

When I stopped by to collect my clothes, the clerk told me “we have a problem”.  On top of my basket was a pair of blue jeans, which I did not (still don’t) wear. A bunch of men’s T-shirts were folded on top, and when I unfolded them, they had pictures and words The Squire would never have worn. There might have been a few things that actually belonged to us, but the vast majority of the items were not ours.

They had hired a new person, and she had dumped out a half-dozen laundry baskets, sorted the clothes by colour and then tried to remember what things went where.

It was impossible to pile the clothes on the table and let us all grab our own items. The first customer to come in that afternoon had been a trucker from out-of-town; he had grabbed his plastic garbage bag, plunked down his hard-earned cash, and driven off into the sunset.

That poor man is probably still trying to explain to his wife how my red bra got mixed in with his clothes.

And thanks to Jim Unger for reminding me.

Oh, My…

27 Jun

MondrianAlthough my children will probably argue the point, I do try not to be judgmental. It’s not easy, given my background, but I do try.

But.

Last night, I was in a hobby store, picking up yet one more piece for this cottage I am building, and was stopped dead in my tracks by the most appalling sight. I don’t know what size clothing this woman wore, but it should be illegal to manufacture stretch pants in anything larger than a size 6, especially when the pants in question have a Mondrian print.

Imagine, if you dare, this design on a size triple X, stretched so tight that every nook, cranny, and curve was clearly visible.

Quick! Somebody call Omar.

What Were They Thinking?

27 Jan

dress frontI really do need some new clothes. Most of the things in my closet average ten years old, and even my “new” Easter suit has been hanging around for five years.

I got an email from a large chain, and opened it on a whim, as most of their clothes are far too  young for a little old lady. This dress did catch my eye. I don’t normally like short sleeved tops because I feel they make me look heavy, but the “shoulder strap” detail breaks the width, and the vertical stripes are slimming. It is a style that would go from fall into early spring, a bit shorter than I like, but for $20, I’ll go for it.

Until I took a look at the back. dress back

A dark green, metal zipper – the sort you’d find on a snow coat or a sleeping bag – sewn on the outside of the dress.

No wonder it was on clearance.

300 Years is a long time!

5 Sep

This year Joppatowne will celebrate the 300th anniversary of its charter by Queen Anne, and the 50th anniversary of its re-establishment as the planned community of plain old Joppa.

The church we attend is a “descendent” of the original Copley Parish (it moved around to follow the population), and we will be having a Home and Garden tour on the 9th, as well as a Colonial Tea Room, and an Even Song service from the 1692 Book of Common Prayer. We didn’t really have much to put in the large display case at the library, so I borrowed two dressmakers dummies, and took along Miss Martha from my teaching kit, and we made do.

As I was setting up the female mannikin, a lady asked me who she was supposed to be, and I – always the smart aleck – replied, “Marie Antoinette”.  Blank look. I finally explained the historical connection, and the clothing on all three “people” was representative of the way folks would have dressed when Joppatowne was a bustling seaport.

The man’s vest looks particularly weird because I have lost an entire plastic tub of male clothing. Lacking a proper vest and shirt for the poor fellow, I used one  of The Squires dress shirts, and a detachable stock, then folded a silk Royal Gordan tartan scarf, safety pinned thistle buttons in the center, and then pulled and pinned until it looked reasonably presentable, albeit a tad wonky. I pinned his stockings up inside his breeches, but they obviously need to be stuffed with something, and put a pair of my shoes on his feet. They’re a loooong way from authentic, but wear ’em, George, and don’t argue.

The family at homeIf moving that bloody display case wasn’t such an ordeal, I’d put Miss Martha inside it, just as a precaution.

This is how they looked in the living room, before I took them to the library. Martha is about the size of a three year old. I had a grand time putting her into the seat of a shopping cart at Target, and taking her off to buy shoes. Fortunately, the sales clerk got into the spirit of the thing, and complimented me on how well behaved my little girl was! I really wanted loafers, but we settled on black Mary Janes.  Wear ’em and don’t argue! Actually, with the odd shape of her feet, I’m not sure loafers would have stayed on, anyway, so it’s just as well.