Great Balls of Fire!

24 Sep

We are having a Fall Festival at church in mid-October, and I have started making bread and stashing it in the freezer.

Yesterday, I made two loaves of onion dill bread, and today, two loaves of a two-toned bread that always goes over well.  We were just sitting down to dinner when the oven began making a really weird beeping noise, and the smoke alarm in the kitchen started shrieking. I have no idea what happened, but the bottom heating element had stopped working, and the broiler, the top element, was glowing. I threw a sheet of foil over the tops of the two loaves and hoped for the best, but it was no use. The tops of the loaves were burnt beyond redemption.

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Burnt Offering

We had to turn off the oven at the main switch, and those two loaves are not fit for sale.  If you cut off the top crust, they are tasty, but not much on looks.

I start my bread in the machine, and then pull it out and put it in pans for the final rising.

Onion Dill Bread

1 package yeast, or 2 teaspoons if you buy it by bulk

3-1/3 cups flour

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1-1/2 teaspoons salt

1 egg

Mix together, warm and add:

1/4 cup water

3/4 cup cottage cheese

3/4 cup sour cream

3 tablespoons sugar

3 tablespoons minced dried onion

2 tablespoons dill weed

1-1/2 tablespoons butter

Makes 2 8×4 loaves. Bake  at 350-F for 40 to 45 minutes, or until an internal thermometer reads 190. I generally bake the loaves about 20 minutes, and then insert the thermometer, removing the bread when the beeper goes off.

 

 

 

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Happily Never After

19 Sep

On Saturday, our parish had their annual murder mystery costume party. Somehow, I got roped into playing Alice in Wonderland. (I’m quite certain I did NOT volunteer for this job!) I purchased the wig at the local Costume Emporium, found a dress in my closet that would do, and took an apron from the Colonial Costume Closet. The White Rabbit started life as a bear from the Thrift Store, but with the help of some card stock ears, he passed muster. The Squire was my wizarding friend. I think he resembles a Jedi, but he says that’s the wrong fairy tale.

It seems to be every girl-child’s dream to have long blond hair, but it is definitely was not my colour, and I thought the long curls pulled my face down and made me bear a strong resemblance to a horse. Cute.

We really did have a good time. Hansel was not there, as his sister Gretel didn’t want me to marry him, and we were afraid she’d make a fuss if he showed up. Goldie Locks was in attendance, alice-and-the-wizard as was Baby Bear, who was hot on her tracks for breaking the furniture and eating all the porridge. Our church organist was Maleficent, and did a terrific job; she is a marvelous actress. Little Red Riding Hood, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel, Snow White, Cinderella, and her fairy godmother, the Queen of Hearts, and various other characters.

Somebody killed Sleeping Beauty, and it turned out to be – Gretel! Didn’t break my heart. With her out of the way, now I can marry Hansel.

I’d had a scratchy throat all week, but when I got home, it was suddenly much worse. My uvula was swollen, and when I tried to sleep on my back (normal sleeping position) I kept choking, and when I turned onto my side, I couldn’t breathe. I was supposed to read on Sunday, but the Squire hustled me down to the local Doc-in-a-Box, where I was advised I had nothing more serious than a really bad cold and to keep out of other people’s way.

Lovely.

I have been blowing my nose almost non-stop. It’s amazing that my head can hold so much sh -, um, snot! Yes, that’s it. Snot! S’not funny, McGee.

 

 

 

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What A Mess!

14 Sep

As you know, we have just finished remodeling the guest/sewing/TV room, which meant moving everything from two rooms into various nooks and crannies, primarily The Squire’s workshop.

Repairing the mess under the bow window involved unloading and moving the corner cupboard, thus piling miscellaneous dishes and table linens on one end of the dining room table. I did manage to find a long flat box to hold most of that stuff, but it is hard to work up any enthusiasm for getting the table decently set when you can’t even shake the crumbs off the cloth.

Today, The Squire decided the entire house is a mess (It is.) and rather than start by, say, helping me do something small, such as completely tidying the guest room, cleaning the bathroom, or putting away the laundry, he proceeded to tackle the largest mess of all, which is the workshop. Most of what is up there is mine. I used to do a lot of miniature work and I have about fourteen years worth of mini-magazines, all stored in boxes. I have contacted a friend who is willing to take all of them, but she can’t get to it until after next Wednesday.  We’ve both been sifting through our book collections, and I’ve found a stay-at-home mom  in the next county who sells books for spending money. Every once in a while I shoot her an email and we meet up so I can load her trunk with boxes.

None of this can be done today, of course, which is frustrating. Another major problem is that the book cases we purchased will only hold 15 pounds per shelf. Believe me, the amount of photo albums, complete collections, etc., that we have accumulated are putting a strain on that system!  I have to explain to visitors why there is an ancient kitchen scale on the bottom shelf.

And then there are record albums. Is there a market for old LPs?

When we rearranged the guest room, we discovered there isn’t space anymore for a barrel chair which I reupholstered several years ago. My parents set up housekeeping with that chair, and I’d rather not part with it if I can avoid it.  I have my mum’s wicker baby carriage and a life-sized doll she played with as a child. Again, it is jammed into a corner of the workshop, and I’m “shopping” it around the family, trying to find it a loving home.

Maybe we need to rent a P.O.D. for a month or so.

 

 

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The Squire Hangs It Up

7 Sep

After many years of knocking over spray bottles, or picking up the wrong one repeatedly, The Squire finally got fed up. He got a length of PVC pipe and attached it to the opposite bottom shelves in the bathroom closet, and this is what he did.

Everything is up off the floor, and I have labeled them so we can grab the correct bottle.

Clever man!

bottles

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We Survived the Wedding!

6 Sep

After many trials and tribulations, we managed to survive the Wedding of the Century.

A lot of the problems were caused by the bride either freaking out over nothing (The limo will be black instead of pearl grey! The sky is falling!) and not realizing she didn’t have to do everything herself.  She had made arrangements with a friend to do the girls hair, but didn’t think she had time to get her own hair done, too. She thought she had to be at the church herself to let in the florist and the caterer, and asked the hairdresser to meet her at church to finish her hair.

“Do you have a key?”

rachels-cake“No. Do I need one?”

I informed her that the Altar Guild or The Squire would take care of opening up, and she should have her hair done here or at the salon, but it was not a good idea to try to do it at church. For one thing, I knew she’d be jumping up every twenty seconds to try to tell the professionals how to do their jobs.

I had finally simply given up on getting her to decide on a cake, and just did something I hoped she would like. Carrot cake, fondant, green ribbon, and silk flowers. She loved it! (I think it’s a tad gaudy, but what the heck.)

In fact, the caterer liked it well enough to ask me if I did these professionally! I told him I’ve done a lot of cakes, but because I don’t have a professional kitchen – not with a dog and cat in the house! – I don’t really do them for sale. Hmm. “Well, if something came up, I could do the cake here at church, because this is a commercial kitchen.” So, we swapped telephone numbers, and we shall see what happens.

Anyway, we got them hitched without a hitch. The bride was so emotional she choked up over her vows, and the groom was simply glowing. The kids all filled their parts perfectly, and all was well.

Now, The Squire and I are watching the younger daughter until they get back on the 12th, and we’ll be lucky if we all survive.  Pray for us.

 

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The Perfect Gift

1 Sep

Looking for the perfect shower, wedding or housewarming gift for a clergy couple? Look no more! Whether they are newly weds, or just moving into a new rectory, we have the perfect thing.

Liturgical colander

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You’re Breakin’ My Heart

27 Aug

This morning, I opened the cupboard where I keep the dishes and platters I use for specialplatter occasions, pulled out the box that held a gold trimmed, 16  inch platter Local Daughter had given us for Christmas many years ago – and it slid out of the box and onto the floor!

I could have wept.

I managed to get all of the larger pieces picked up and put into box, and swept up the smaller pieces, which I dumped into the trash can. When I picked up the carton, all of the bloody pieces fell out the other end, so I had to do it all over again, which explains the duct tape, top and bottom.

To say I am distressed is an understatement.  I have no idea what I am going to use for the wedding cake.  A.C. Moore had a 25% off everything coupon in today’s email, so I called my  driver and we went off in search of something. They didn’t have any plates this large, but they had some other goodies, and I managed to spend $18.

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Now We’re Cookin’

24 Aug

just barely

The wedding isn’t for another two weeks,  but what with one thing and another, I decided to get started on the cake now. The Bride had asked for carrot cake, which has the advantage of keeping well, and with my schedule – and The Squire’s – I figured I’d better get cracking.

Because of the size of the pans, I needed to make a double batch, and as you can see, I just barely make it! I could not have gotten another cup of anything in there! My trusty Oster grated four cups of carrots in nothing flat. Just as well, as I have to do this all over again – maybe tomorrow afternoon? I don’t want to leave anything until the last minute.

The Bride called here this afternoon, and left a message I couldn’t understand, but she called back to ask if either The Squire or I could take her to Aberdeen tomorrow. I can’t drive, so it’s up to The Squire. There’s an old song that goes, “If It Weren’t for Bad Luck, I’d Have No Luck At All”, and it fits this child down to the floor. She and a friend had gone out shopping for “wedding stuff”, had stopped at a traffic light, and a car pulled up behind them and stopped. Unfortunately, the next car along didn’t stop, and hit the middle car hard enough to push it into hers. She has a banged up spine, a mild concussion, and her car (which was fairly new) had to be towed away.

If it ain’t one thing…

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Oh, Yetch!

23 Aug

Last night, I slipped my feet into my boots so I could go feed the fish.

And felt something soft and tender.

Eddie, bless his little black heart, had left a newly dead mouse in my right boot. That or the poor thing had escaped Eddie’s tender ministrations by crawling into the boot to hide. Probably the latter, as I couldn’t find any wounds on it other than a bite in the vicinity of the right shoulder blade. I held it for a moment, and it was still vaguely warm, but definitely dead. Poor baby. I think the thing that disturbs me most about mice and deer is that they don’t close their eyes when they die. They continue to look at you beseechingly.

I threw him into the back forty for the foxes to eat. So much for empathy.

In the future I will shake out my boots before I put them on. No telling what else the dear boy may drag home.

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A Sinking Sensation

20 Aug

Recently, I have been displaying some symptoms of the same condition that wreaked havoc with  my grandfather, my dad, and both of his brothers. Other than extreme fatigue and forgetfulness, one of the things that plagues me is stumbling.

Or general clumsiness, depending upon your view of these things.

I also have panic attacks, which makes driving difficult. I used to take Blazer to knitting at church with me, but somebody  objected, and put up big signs that only service animals are allowed. As far as I am concern, Blazer is a service dog, even if he doesn’t wear an orange vest.

Anyway, this afternoon, I had gone up to take my nap and then came back down because I had forgotten my midday meds. The Squire stopped me just before I reached the bottom step and wanted to know if everything was OK. We spoke for a few moments, and then I stepped forward, forgetting I had not gotten all the way to the bottom. I walked off into the air, and made quite a landing, scaring the daylights out of The Squire and adding another bruise or two to the collection I already have. Didn’t do my back a bit of good, let me tell you! Fortunately, the bathroom door was shut, so although I hit my head, I didn’t end up flat on my back.

I was laughing hysterically, but The Squire, for some reason, didn’t find the episode funny.

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